A Reasonable Suggestion

It is truly a pitiable sight to see American students struggling to complete homework assignments, and it is not uncommon for them to fail their courses, eventually ending up becoming delinquents. These students, instead of being able to take advantage of their many opportunities, are forced to endure a lifetime of being uneducated; the fault clearly lies with government-mandated standards.

I think it is widely-agreed that America's educational system is in desperate need of reform, and that anyone who could propose a way to revitalize the passion for learning in our nation's youth would deserve a monument dedicated to them as the savior of the U.S.

As to my own part, I have considered the issue for many long years, and carefully reviewed the ideas of other politicians, but I have always found them lacking. It is true, a student may excel throughout elementary school with little encouragement, and it is precisely after graduation from elementary school that I plan to implement my solution.

I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by the finest of scientists that reducing the educational standards across the board will not only improve quality of life, but also delight our students; and I make it no doubt that America will soon overtake the rest of the world on standardized testing.

Lowering America's national curriculum to the level of 2nd grade will allow improvements of up to 213.43% on standardized tests. Indeed, the dropout rate is estimated to decrease by 12,339,400.75% after the students most at risk are accommodated. There are many other benefits; for example, America will skyrocket to the top in average test scores, easily surpassing Finland and South Korea. Moreover, allowing all students to score 100% on everything will further America's goal of equality. No more will intelligent students get more attention; instead, everyone will be able to learn fairly.